Los Angeles, CA – Producers, directors, and actors alike were shocked this week to find that Charlie Sheen has actually been showing up, clean and sober, to work for the hit TV series “Two and a Half Men”. The television star turned public embarrassment has recently been challenged by a judge to prove that he is, in some way or form, capable of doing a job and being a real person. To everyone’s surprise, Sheen is actually attempting to do so. Arriving sober and on time to every event associated with the show.
“There are just so many events that lead into a taping of an episode,” says co-star Jon Cryer, “there’s writing, read-throughs, hair and makeup, Charlie never used to show up for any of it. He would literally show up just for the actual taping, without any memorization or rehearsal at all.” Ironically, it seems that Sheen’s presence has actually become a detriment to the show’s progression.
“I don’t support it,” says the show’s director James Widdoes, “the show’s been on for 6 years now, and it’s grown exactly the way we were hoping it would. With Charlie actually coming prepared these days, it throws the whole structure off.” Apparently the show’s initial framework revolved entirely around Sheen just coming in as himself and reacting to the actions and comments of the other characters, who all remained true to the script. “The formula was flawless,” states Widdoes, “you have no idea how easy it is to convince an intoxicated Charlie Sheen not only that he’s somehow banging extremely hot women, but that he also actually has friends and family that care about him.”
No other staff members has had to work harder to adjust to Sheen’s current level of involvement than the show’s writers, who haven’t written a single line for the actor in the show’s 6 year lifetime. “Quite frankly, we have no clue what to do at this point,” says a defeated script supervisor, Marilyn Bagley. “We’ve never had to write a word for the man. He would just show up, casually spew his alcohol-induced, misogynistic utterances, and either get distracted and leave or simply pass out. It was brilliant television.” No one’s really sure where the show’s headed with the recent change in Sheen’s behavior, but the consensus among the cast and crew is that something’s got to change. “I’m all for people getting clean and sober, but I’m also extremely against not making millions of dollars a year,” said Widdoes. “If Charlie doesn’t fall back off the wagon soon, we’ll have no choice but to replace him. The fact of the matter is that when you’re in Los Angeles, for every Charlie Sheen, there’s also a David Hasselhoff.”
-Ian Swanson
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