CNN Headline - 2/17/11Jackson, TN – West Tennessee Diamond Jaxx minor league infielder, Burt Powell, is demanding some answers about a pitch thrown in the 3rd inning of yesterday’s opening day spring training game. The pitch, which reportedly had an irregular trajectory, was thrown by Jacksonville Suns pitcher, Andrew Kostner, and left Powell staring with wide-eyed disbelief at home plate.
“I’ve never seen anything like that before in my life,” said Powell. “I knew something was off right away because the ball wasn’t coming straight at me. It was heading high up, out of the strike zone, and I just figured it was a bad pitch. Then, all of a sudden, the ball magically dips and drops clear across the plate for strike three.”
Powell, 26, has been playing minor league baseball for 7 years and has seen his share of bad pitches. However, the second baseman, who can also play short and third, had never seen a pitch change direction so radically. Naturally, the befuddled Powell had some questions about what happened. “I have some questions about what happened out there,” Powell said after the game. “First of all, I want to know how that was even possible, or if it is possible – as I haven’t ruled out some sort of radio transmitter or magnet trickery, or plain old magic, for that matter. But first, we need to get NASA or some physicist in here to determine if a ball-shaped ball can even move up and down like that.
“Also, was that a regulation baseball? Maybe someone should take a closer look at that ball. It could have air pockets in it or something, like a wiffle ball. I've seen wiffle balls move like that, but those are wiffle balls – so it makes sense.”
Fans at the game were equally confused by the pitch, but are upset Powell just stood there like a dope and didn’t try to hit the ball or anything. Powell still doesn’t know what he was supposed to do about the pitch, as hitting it seemed out of the question to him with a bat he called “useless.”
“How am I supposed to hit a ball moving like that with a straight stick of wood?” he asked. “It’d be impossible. So I just stood there. It was all I could do. Seriously, what was I supposed to do?”
Powell understands the fan reaction, but believes any hostility over the pitch should be directed at the pitcher, Kostner, not himself. “Who the hell is this ‘Kostner’ guy anyway?” Powell rightfully wondered aloud. “Where did he come from? How does he know how to make a ball go like that? What if the ball hit me, did he even care about my safety? What the hell does he call that pitch? I want this guy tested. I want answers.”
Kostner, 22, is supposedly a top prospect in the Marlins organization but doesn’t even have his own Wikipedia page, and doesn’t understand the media circus the pitch has created. “It was a curveball. I’ve been throwing it since high school,” he claims. “I don’t understand how this Powell guys has gotten this far in baseball without ever seeing a curveball. Jesus Christ,” he said, suddenly perking up and laughing to himself. “He’s gonna shit himself next week when we play them and John [Hartsock] throws a knuckleball.”
– Archibald Spangler
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