CNN Headline - 2/15/2011
San Mateo, Calif – A bay area suburban neighborhood has been the target of one of the most prolific thieves in California’s history. There is a cat burglar on the loose, picking off anything that isn’t nailed to the ground. The stolen property is rumored to be in the range of 600 items collected over three years. The suspect appears to be an ordinary house cat by day, but when the sun sets, the cat affectionately known to the Johnston-Rainey family as, Xerxes, sets out to scour the neighborhood for anything that she could add to her collection.
“After me and my husband’s show was cancelled from the Discovery Channel, we found this stray cat that just wouldn’t leave us alone. So we ended up taking her in and caring for her,” recalls Matthew Johnston former host of the hit TV series “It Takes a Thief.” The now proud owners of this tremendously sneaky feline, Matthew Johnston and Jon Douglas Rainey, used to produce a show on the Discovery Channel titled “It Takes a Thief.” The two now happily married couple who met while taping the show, would stage fake robberies with the owners’ permission to show how inept a homeowner was from a pending break in. “There really isn’t any other kind of rush you can get from breaking into a home with the permission from the homeowners. It’s completely liberating and the thought that the cops might catch us but then let us go immediately once they realize we are taping a fake burglary television show, is the greatest sense of euphoria I have ever had in my life,” stated Rainey.
Johnston and Rainey are now retired fake burglars that sit at home in their bay area home milking the interest off of the thousands of dollars they earned while on the hit Discovery Channel show. They fill their long days by playing golf, taking long walks, and on occasion stage a fake robbery on their own home. What Johnston and Rainey failed to notice from these activities is that Xerxes had become somewhat of a fake professional herself. “After a few of our fake home invasions we noticed that Xerxes would leave at dusk and not return until dawn with a stock pile of stolen goods,” admitted Rainey. “I never thought our fake actions would result in real life actions from our cat.” The items that Xerxes have stolen during her three year reign are simply astounding. This 20 pound Brazilian Shorthair equipped with the dangerous knowledge of fake burglary has done some real damage. The highlights from Xerxes’ career include 37 pairs of swim trunks, 12 pairs of Airwalk tennis shoes, 26 pairs of lady’s undergarments, 4 Hootie and the Blowfish cassette tapes, 1 basketball hoop, 3 ping pong tables, and 1 life size Barbie. No small feat for any thief - human or feline.
The neighbors that live around the Johnston-Rainey residence have a mixed reaction to the actions of Xerxes. Janice Cuntz complains to the local animal shelter on a weekly basis, stating “I will not tolerate this behavior. A place where animals are free to roam the streets at night taking whatever it is they want? There must be consequences. I don’t care that its owners are some type of superb fake burglars. It still isn’t right!”
Another resident, Robert Marlien overhears Janice and chimed in, “Relax lady it’s just a cat with a very awesome set of skills. If I notice that anything is missing I just go over to the super weird, gay couple’s house and ask for it back. Why don’t you try it next time and get a new hobby other than stalking this cat’s whole life.”
Xerxes, a cat raised by fake burglars, prowls the streets at night carrying on her owners’ dream of pseudo robbery.
-Sean Furlong
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