1/22/13
After spending the last few years learning the made-up
hybrid language, Vice President Joe Biden has started incorporating Spanglish
into his media addresses.
“Barry and I estan totally simpatico. Nosotros are muy excited-o para el start-o de
term-o dos,” the Vice President struggled to say to media members at a presser
before President Barack Obama’s ceremonial Presidential Inauguration. “Nosotros mucho plans para el future-o. Bueno plans.”
Biden began his conquest of the Spanglish dialect in 2010,
soon after Arizona passed its Senate Bill 1070, the strictest anti-illegal
immigrant law in recent US memory.
Immigration tensions were at an apex in 2010, and Biden saw an
opportunity to prepare himself for the future of the country. “Mexicans are coming,” he said at the
time. “They’re sneaky, and they’re
coming, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
So, rather then turn my back on our cinnamon skinned neighbors, I am
going to make them feel welcome by learning their language. Communication is key here, and I plan on
being prepared to communicate.”
The Biden-assimilation project took hit in its infancy when
Biden learned that Spanish was an entirely different language then
English. However, after catching a late
night showing of the 2004 Adam Sandler flop, Spanglish, Biden immediately became re-invested in his
efforts.
“Last anoche,” Biden said in a 2011 press conference
announcing his recommitment to assimilating himself with illegal immigrants,
“Yo y mi wife-o saw una pelicula, Spanglish.
La pelicula encouraged-o yo to trabajar mucho mas to learn-o Spanglish. Spanglish esta English y Spanish. Esta muy beueno.”
If yesterday’s presser is any indication, Biden has made no
progress in his effort to learn Spanglish.
Although, in fairness to the Vice President, it is difficult to measure
progress when you’re trying to gauge it by something that doesn’t exist.
As of press time, Vice President Biden was trying to order
scrambled eggs at a Virginia diner, but was served waffles after refusing to
say anything other then, “Yo necesito egg-os, por favor.”
- Pete Higgins
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